Fighting Sucks

But only because it gets you into trouble.

When the movie Fight Club came out oh so many years ago I was a young(er) single man with more than my share of testosterone. The idea of having an outlet for what I saw as everyday, normal man-rage was very appealing.

Now I'm no longer young, but I've noticed that the rage is still there. It's that fight itch I feel when I read a book where good fights evil, or I read a news story about the bullied putting the smack down on the bully. We live in a civilized time but some of us were just wired for a different time. I can so easily imagine myself in boiled leather and chain mail with a nice two-handed broad sword across my back. And using it.

Instead my battle is the professor in the Prius going 60 in the fast lane and my sword is my 225 horsepower versus his 12 squirrelpower. Short of running the guy off the road (don't think this isn't a temptation), I have no outlet for the frustration that builds from this day after day. Maybe I should take up karate to give me both an outlet and a way of controlling the anger. Either that or start a fight club in my basement.

You're Not Fast

I drive fast*. It's just easier that way.

That being said, I have a message for those of the human population that don't feel as strongly as I do about the sanctity of the fast lane:

70 mph in the fast lane when the speed limit is 65 is not fast.

I don't care how many semis you think you need to pass before you let me by. You're not going fast.

I know you're all worried about getting stuck behind some bozo going 69 mph, but believe me, your frustration at going 1 mph under your randomly selected cruise control setting is nothing compared to the aneurysm you're giving me from going 5 mph below my thoughtfully selected cruise control setting.

*Note that I DO NOT speed in residential areas. If you are speeding on my street and I happen to have a live grenade handy, you will need extensive repairs and possibly several months in the hospital.

Eat My Math Skills

According to a new Chevrolet commercial, they will plant trees and perform other green activities on your behalf should you be so inclined as to purchase a Chevy. The carbon dioxide savings? 8 million metric tonnes over the next several years.

So, some math:

Average US citizen annual carbon footprint: 19 metric tonnes

Current US population: ~310,000,000

Total US annual carbon footprint: 19 x 310,000,000 = 5,890,000,000 metric tonnes

Chevy savings: 8,000,000 metric tonnes

Percent of US annual carbon footprint: 8,000,000 / 5,890,000,000 = 0.14%

Or as we engineers like to say...Jack squat. Diddly. An insignificant amount. And that's assuming the savings are in one year. It's only 0.07% if it's over two years.

Oh, well. The ad probably works on the same people that buy lottery tickets and Toyota Priuses.

If That's Being Cool...

I'd rather be lame.

I started this as an open letter to the brat in the new Toyota Highlander commercials. You know, the kid who tells us that just because we're parents we don't have to be lame. Every time I hear him say that I fight the urge to put my size 12 Red Wings through the TV.



To paraphrase Charles Sykes from his book "Dumbing Down Our Kids":

Before you were born your parents weren't as lame as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes, and listening to you talk about how cool you are. So before you lecture them on the lameness of their car, try getting around on your own for a while.

Sheesh. And get a hair cut while you're at it.

What Makes Engineers Cry?

This is the horrific sight that greeted me as I unpacked my work stuff this morning. My beloved 15C's screen is damaged. Had it been any worse than this I swear I would have cried. I can't see a lot of the function indicators, but all the digits are visible.

I've had this calculator since college. Not only did it get me through engineering school, but it has been my trusty companion for 15 years as an engineer. Am I living in the past? I don't think so. The form and function of this calculator are far superior to the calculators available today. The continuing popularity of the 12C financial calculator is a testament to this. Heck, Google "HP 15C" and see how many websites are dedicated to it.

And I'm not the only one pining for the return of the 15C. Go to www.hp15c.org and you can sign the petition for HP to bring it back.

Until then I have my 15C iPhone app and this.

Stimulus...

I like to think that I pay attention to the world around me. That I have a reasonable grip on what we're facing as a nation and a world. I like to think that when I listen to stories on the news I have the maturity to distinguish fact from bias.

I like to think these things, yet this morning while driving to work I heard a story about a man from Yemen that was placed on the CIA "capture or kill" list while the US government has not publicly filed charges.

My immediate response?

"Yumpin' Yemeni!"

Energy Crisis

I really wanted to mow the lawn and wash my car on Saturday, but I was having an energy crisis and just couldn't manage it.

Some phrases and concepts get batted around so much that they lose not just their impact, but also their meaning. Seems like every time I turn on the TV I hear about the impending energy crisis. Well, BP just lost some 4,200,000 gallons of crude into the Gulf of Mexico, but gas is still $3.13 and my TV still turns on.

All my life I have been told by teachers and the media that someday we will run out of oil. Hogwash. As resources get more and more scarce, the prices increase and demand falls. So as oil becomes scarce it will become so expensive that even I might consider getting a non-gasoline powered form of transportation. Why didn't I say Prius, or Chevy Volt? Because when that time comes who knows what incredible innovations the free market will have cooked up for consumers looking for a cheaper alternative to gasoline. Personally I hope for something more in the direction of the Tesla Roadster than the Volt.

In the meantime I've been thinking about getting a tank of 107 octane for the E46 before I sell it, just to see what happens.